Grahams Birth Story

Sharing the real, unfiltered details of our sweet rainbow baby after two losses, Graham Nathaniel’s debut! My goal in sharing is to normalize the process of birth and inspire others to feel empowered during pregnancy and birth. There are many reasons people may wish to utilize alternative pain management techniques in birth. The big one for me is that I wanted to go through the physiological birth process. Remember that there is no right or wrong, good or bad in birth as long as the birthing person’s wishes are honored and respected.

While I went totally drug free with Harper, with Graham I passed on the epidural, but used some nitrous oxide (laughing gas!) towards the end which was an incredibly helpful tool, combined with Hypno birth techniques. This is a long one, but I don’t want to shy away from any of the details! If you’re curious what an epidural free birth in a hospital setting looks like and alternate methods of pain relief (and what nitrous feels like), you’ll find all of that and more here.

natural birth hypnobirth — My goal in sharing is to normalize the process of birth and inspire others to be empowered during pregnancy and birth

Pre-birth: Trying all the things!

After my first birth was 4 days past my due date, I was thinking this time I’d be slightly earlier, but with each passing day was surprised labor was taking so long! Because I had Covid twice during pregnancy, my OB advised being induced by 41 weeks due to the theory that placenta function could decrease more rapidly than usual. After having two prior miscarriages, I was more than happy to be extra cautious and avoid even the slightest risks.

To add to the time crunch I was also told that I might not get a bed for my scheduled 41 week induction. So with the warning of possible deteriorating placenta, I wanted to do everything I could to naturally induce labor. I did the dates, squats, raspberry leaf tea and acupuncture leading up. These tricks seemed to work with Harper and I never had as much as a single cervical exam leading up to his birth. Not so much this time and I ended up asking for 4 membrane sweeps starting at 40 weeks. This is when an OB or midwife puts a gloved finger or two between your cervix and amniotic sac to release the sac and send oxytocin to the body to begin contractions. While I did lose my mucous plug around 40 weeks, my contractions never progressed and faded away so I continued with these sweeps. I actually found these to be more uncomfortable than early labor… but worth it for drug free “outpatient” induction purposes in my opinion.

My last pregnant “bumpie” while in labor and unsure if this was really “it”

Is this it?

At 3am on Tuesday 9/27 i woke up to period cramp like light contractions. They were the first time contractions felt crampy unlike the Braxton hicks that I had been having every night. I stayed in bed a couple more hours thinking this could be my last time resting for a while… then went down to make breastfast at 5am thinking that if things picked up quickly I wanted to have eaten. I figured that our 3 year old would go off to school and I’d go to the hospital while he was there, but as soon as the sun rose and everyone was up, the cramps went away. We are biologically wired to birth in the safe dark quiet of the night, so it is not uncommon for birth to stall when the sun comes up!

Later that morning I did all the labor inducing things: went for a long walk and did curb walking, hand expressed colostrum (releases oxytocin and start contractions) and lots of squats. When I got back from the walk I had my “bloody show” and lost another mucous plug (your body can create multiple plugs). I still was unsure when labor would start since those things can happen days before. But it gave me hope! I started to feel more Braxton hicks during the day than usual around the time that I went to my midwife appointment to discuss my induction the next day. She gave me my fourth “stretch and sweep” and that’s what got me to 5cm dilated (halfway there!).

As soon as I got home I felt what seemed like mild but real labor contractions. I still was unsure since the prior stretch and sweeps seemed to bring on contractions that never ultimately led to labor. A couple hours later I could tell that these were real contractions. I could still function somewhat normally, but had to pause and breathe through them. I told everyone I felt like it was going to happen tonight and sent my mom and dad with Harper to a playground and dinner.

The quiet house and entering my bedroom relaxed me and things quickly picked up. The contractions felt more real and more intense but still bearable. They were super inconsistent- anywhere from 3-14 minutes between then and lasting from 30-56 seconds. My doula advised that I do a side laying position to help baby into a better position and that may be why they were inconsistent. This was likely on point because later in my pushing phase he was in a weird position that took a little longer to push through.

I alternated between going on the bed on all fours and the birth ball. I told my doula that things were picking up and they advised to try to go in the bath to relax since the contractions weren’t consistent yet. As soon as I got in the tub the most intense minute long contraction hit me like an overwhelming wave pulling baby downward. I felt like if I stayed in there another moment this baby would come quickly, so I quickly threw on clothes and Andrew packed the car for the hospital. At that point the contractions let up and we’re still inconsistent with nothing as intense as the bath one. But I knew based on how quickly that ramped up that it was best to get to the hospital because my body was ready to be relaxed and get things moving.

natural labor at home — Final moments alone with my sweet Harper while in labor with baby brother

Here we go!

The car ride was thankfully not terrible. Your body tends to slow down birth when you don’t feel safe or ready so this worked to my benefit with only 2 mildly intense contractions on the ride there. The moment I stepped out of the car back to back waves of can’t do anything but breathe through it (hello active labor!) started.

The L and D wars was overcrowded which I knew from being warned that I wouldn’t get a bed for my scheduled induction. There was one person working at the desk who had someone to help before me. The contractions were so intense that I didn’t even have the energy to be impatient or frustrated with the wait. It always amazes me how in the thick of it all you have to give your ssn and sign paperwork when you’re having the most intense experience of your life.

Finally they took me back and the nurses had helped me undress and checked my cervix in triage. Even I was surprised that I was already 7 cm so they rushed me along into a birth room quickly and got the team together. There we met the midwife, labor nurse and our doula. The 3 of them stayed with us the entire time of labor and birth. I had said I wanted the labor tub so our nurse went to fetch it and work on filling it up.

Unexpected Emotions and Trauma

Our doula began to help support me through contractions, like in my birth with Harper. But this time was different. With the emotions and intensity that comes along with finally birthing a baby after such a long and hard journey I not only wanted but needed Andrew to literally lean on. I felt like I was squeezing his shoulders so hard they might explode, but he assured me it was fine. I was also parched and kept having him give me sips of water. After a while it was time to switch positions, and I got in the bed and leaned on the back of the bed in a kind of all fours position.

I kept feeling like i couldn’t do this anymore and was losing patience and stamina. I also felt emotionally exhausted like I’d already been through so much and now to get through the intense physical sensations of this labor was a LOT and possibly even too much. “I can’t do this,” kept coming out of my mouth. Our doula reminded me over and over: You are SO close. But it still felt so far and scary. I’m scared I kept saying.

The reality of what came before at this hospital crept into my peripheral vision of our rainbow baby’s safe smooth delivery. Anxiety started fogging my ability to focus on getting through this home stretch. Our doula could see it on my face and hear it in my voice. She reminded me about nitrous. I was unsure if I wanted any kind of drug. It scared me to be out of control in the situation and not like it. The midwife explained how it works and that as soon as you stop breathing it leaves your body if you don’t like it. So i decided to try. I needed something to get me through the end mentally and physically. The problem was that the labor tub was finally blown up and filled up and you can’t do nitrous and the tub. At this point I chose the nitrous. As I placed the mask on my face and breathed in the nitrous for each contraction, both the physical pain and mental distress melted away.

Upon reflection and researching nitrous I realize that it wasn’t “pain relief” as much as the nitrous provided anxiety relief and focus on my breath. With nitrous you have to hold the mask on and take a really deep breath in and intentional breath out into the mask so that the nitrous can’t escape into the room. I felt blissfully high and it really just took the edge off making me feel looser and sillier, which is I guess why it’s called laughing gas. I made some jokes that probably didn’t make sense about how they offered me “nitrous wink wink and it is a secret that is basically like pot” I could tell my joke didn’t quite make sense, but cracked myself up which really helped.

There’s a period where time stands still in those final moments of birth, The relief he was here was overwhelming.

He’s Coming!

Each time I felt a wave approach, I would deeply breathe in the nitrous and focus on using hypnobirthing techniques. I was still in the all fours type position leaning against the back of the bed when I felt the urge to bear down and like his head was coming down. “He’s coming! I feel something!” The midwife checked me and sure enough called in the labor team. The moment I’d been waiting for- when the labor team is called!

The midwife had told me when we went over my birth plan that the one thing she could not agree to was pushing/birthing not on my back. Much to my disappointment she said she felt more comfortable getting him out on my back, so it was time for me to get on my back. At this point that position definitely slowed things down because he was in a weird position where he was down there but couldn’t get out. She asked me if I wanted to make the birth faster and have her manually try to move him, which would be painful, or to continue to let him work his way down and it would be slower. I’ll always opt for whatever is faster in birth once I’m in active labor so figured we’d give it a try and I’d just breathe lots of nitrous through it.

She was right… having her hand inside me trying to turn him was like 10/10 intensity and totally unbearable so I asked her to stop. I was out of it with the nitrous and had the mask on and she couldn’t hear me and kept going. I remember thinking “why is nobody listening to me?? STOP!!!” Thankfully Andrew saw my face that I wanted it to stop and possibly read my lips and said “she said stop” which I was confused by during and after but he explained why nobody could hear and listen to me later.

The pushing continued and they kept prompting me to do counted pushing with my legs up which I did not want to do so I literally just ignored them (counted pushing is not wrong but also not aligned with experiencing birth physiologically). I felt so vulnerable at that point and in the zone that I didn’t feel like saying “I don’t want to do this” so I tuned them out and pretended I was pushing and waited for the real times my BODY said to push. This was annoying to be honest and even somewhat comical to me how intense they were about wanting me to push on their counts like we were counting down to lift furniture as a team.

Andrew was holding one of my feet and the nurse the other for counter pressure. After about 45 minutes of pushing I finally felt one of the fetal ejection reflex urges I was waiting for and pushed. But it wasn’t enough. He was still in a weird position so the pushing continued. Then finally a couple BIG surges arrived. There’s a period where time stands still in those last few moments of birth . Everything becomes more intense, primal and so damn real. I will ever forget the feeling of those final contractions rocking my whole body in the delivery of each of my boys, so similar yet so different, as no two births are exactly the same. But I quickly remembered that it wasn’t over yet…

The relief he was here was overwhelming. But it was hard to focus with everything still happening quickly. Time for the placenta to come out, a shot of pitocin for the bleeding and stitches for the tears. I tore in two places, which I was disappointed by since I was hoping not to tear and only tore in one area with Harper. The top stitches, which I had not gotten with Harper, hurt like hell maybe worse than him coming out now that the surge of hormones wasn’t helping me with the pain. I winced and she explained that since there was very little tissue up there it was too hard to make it numb although she did try. The bottom stitches which hurt like hell with Harper felt mild compared to those top ones since I was able to be more numb. I find the stitching to be the most uncomfortable part of the entire birth process!

natural birth without epidural hospital — I couldn’t have done it without Andrew. He took his job very seriously especially with keeping me hydrated!

The golden hour was magical and I feel like it’s all a blur but the cord was cut and he was on my chest and immediately latched on for the next hour or so, even while they wheeled me to my room. This was so new after my first was unable to latch at first and a really beautiful experience. Coming out of the fog of birth, I realized how thirsty and starving I was and had prepared with my two post-birth favorites - coconut water and graham crackers which Andrew had to feed me at that point!

I am a big proponent of doing your research and making a plan with your family and birth team that is best for you and your baby. For us, that was birthing in the hospital setting without an epidural. Every hospital and every provider is different, but I want you to know that if that is your wish, it is possible. You can take the wheel and design the birth plan that feels most aligned with you. Whether you want to be induced, have a C-section/VBAC, home birth or any combination of plans for how you want your baby to enter this world. This is YOU and your baby’s moment. Tune into your intuition and let everything else go.