8 Mistakes to Avoid During Postpartum Recovery
I’ve learned a lot during these past 5 months. I could have read all the postpartum books in the world, but nothing could have prepared me for this experience. It’s hard to anticipate your needs after giving birth, but this list of what to avoid will help recovery be centered around what is most important… the needs of you and your new baby!
1. Measuring Against your Expectations
It is impossible not to have 1000 expectations and plans from the time you try to conceive. From when you want to get pregnant to what your birth will be like and how and what you plan to feed your baby- it’s hard not to fantasize about the perfect experience. While there is no harm in planing, it is important not to remain attached to these expectations, as more likely than not you will have to adapt. I was lucky that our unmedicated, natural birth became a reality, but our breastfeeding “plan” took an unexpected turn. Because I was so attached to planning on nursing for a year, I was unfairly hard on myself when things didn’t work out as expected. Adopting a flexible mindset to go along with expectations is absolutely key to physical and mental health and wellness during postpartum.
2. Comparing Your Experience to Others
The comparison game is always a tough one, especially during such an emotionally vulnerable period. In the time of social media, it is hard to see smiling new moms out with their happy baby in tow sipping on a margarita. Or a mama cooking a deliciously healthy homemade stir fry while bouncing baby on their hip. How about a 5 weeks postpartum mom hitting the gym flashing a shockingly flat tummy? Those are all things I saw on social media postpartum and couldn’t help comparing to the overwhelming day to day challenges I was facing. I did choose to go off of social media for the first couple weeks, but whether it’s digitally or in real life- there will always be other mamas to compare with and it’s about being at peace with where you are on your unique journey.
Don’t forget that an instagramworthy photo from a professional shoot is not always the full picture
3. Trying to Do it All
During pregnancy I assumed that my introverted self would want as few people around as possible. The prospect of family, friends and professional help in the house gave me anxiety. When we were generously gifted postpartum doula hours for the first few weeks, I reconsidered. I figured that we could test drive a few nights and see how we felt about having someone besides family around. Literally the day after our first night home from the hospital we called to add more hours. We also begged my mom to stay with us through the first two weeks! I never anticipated how overwhelming our challenging feeding/breastfeeding experience would be and navigating first time parenting. During pregnancy I assumed that having help around would mean not spending time with my baby. But instead, having support meant, extra hands to help with the thousands of other things that allowed me to spend even more quality time with baby and make sure to take care of myself.
4. Rushing to Get Moving
6 weeks and you’re cleared to whip yourself back into shape- right? Wrong. Most women are cleared to return to normal activity after 6 weeks despite their bodies being nowhere near what they used to be. A majority of pregnancy and births result in diastasis recti (separation of the abdominal muscles) and pelvic floor issues. These require careful training and can create lifelong problems if ignored. I was fortunate to have mamas warn me about their regrets of jumping back into running and high intensity workouts too soon, leading to long term issues with incontinence and core strength. I chose to hold off on almost all activity other than short walks until 6 weeks, at which point I began 6 weeks of pelvic floor physical therapy (covered by insurance!) and gentle yoga. At 2 months postpartum I added low impact cycling and barre class. I plan to slowly and carefully return to high impact/intensity workouts at 6 months postpartum, prioritizing optimal healing for long term physical health.
Take it slow! A walk outside is an amazing postpartum workout…. save the high intensity stuff for later
5. Saying Yes When You Mean No
This is a sacred time for you and your family. Do not feel pressured to allow others to make it about them. Figure out what you want and what you don’t want. This is different for everyone. For me, I did not want a meal train, which I know is a popular form of postpartum support these days. Instead, I froze my own food and knew that those I am closest with would offer to bring us food regardless. I did not want to “say yes” to people coming by at certain pre-arranged dates and times only to find it to be a stressful day when I wouldn’t want visitors and it was worth sacrificing the help with meals. I instead asked for favors like errands, grocery pick ups and laundry. I found that the people who truly want to help will be happy to do what YOU find most helpful.
6. Neglecting Your Needs
That first week I totally went against my own beliefs on self care and neglected my most basic needs. Although I had plenty of support around me, I chose not to prioritize making time to take care of my physical health. I make a point to say “I chose not to” because it doesn’t feel like a choice, but it is. Our primal instincts kick in to devote every second of energy to baby and feel guilty stepping away and letting others help. A week in I had a day where my mental and physical health came crashing down. I recognized the need to change how I was doing things and started taking sitz baths, made sure to eat more, and sleep through a feeding each night.
Those primal instincts kick in and all of a sudden we neglect our own most basic needs
7. Doubting Your Expertise
From the moment Harper was born, he had difficulty latching/eating. These struggles continued for 3 months until we hit rock bottom with a failure to thrive diagnosis. I knew something was wrong from the beginning and finally was ready to listen to MY intuition and figure out a solution. If I would have continued doubting my expertise, we may not have figured out he had a tongue and lip tie. Finally at 5 months, he is eating like a champ and we have found our new normal. I learned such an important lesson, as I felt strongly like something was wrong from the beginning but didn’t prioritize my own innate knowledge as a mom.
8. Focusing on Whats Next
It is so natural to long for things to get easier. I found myself thinking - I can’t wait for my stitches to heal and to feel better, for breastfeeding to feel easier, for him to gain weight, to sleep more… the list goes on. I had to constantly remind myself to stay present and enjoy these challenging, but precious moments because no matter how hard it felt- I would never get these days back. I realize that just like we did, many families face unique challenges and regardless, we have to find solace in those precious newborn moments to maintain our sanity and stay grounded.
