8 Mistakes to Avoid During Postpartum Recovery

I’ve learned a lot during these past 5 months. I could have read all the postpartum books in the world, but nothing could have prepared me for this experience. It’s hard to anticipate your needs after giving birth, but this list of what to avoid will help recovery be centered around what is most important… the needs of you and your new baby!

1. Measuring Against your Expectations

It is impossible not to have 1000 expectations and plans from the time you try to conceive. From when you want to get pregnant to what your birth will be like and how and what you plan to feed your baby- it’s hard not to fantasize about the perfect experience. While there is no harm in planing, it is important not to remain attached to these expectations, as more likely than not you will have to adapt. I was lucky that our unmedicated, natural birth became a reality, but our breastfeeding “plan” took an unexpected turn. Because I was so attached to planning on nursing for a year, I was unfairly hard on myself when things didn’t work out as expected. Adopting a flexible mindset to go along with expectations is absolutely key to physical and mental health and wellness during postpartum.

2. Comparing Your Experience to Others

The comparison game is always a tough one, especially during such an emotionally vulnerable period. In the time of social media, it is hard to see smiling new moms out with their happy baby in tow sipping on a margarita. Or a mama cooking a deliciously healthy homemade stir fry while bouncing baby on their hip. How about a 5 weeks postpartum mom hitting the gym flashing a shockingly flat tummy? Those are all things I saw on social media postpartum and couldn’t help comparing to the overwhelming day to day challenges I was facing. I did choose to go off of social media for the first couple weeks, but whether it’s digitally or in real life- there will always be other mamas to compare with and it’s about being at peace with where you are on your unique journey.

Don’t forget that an instagramworthy photo from a professional shoot is not always the full picture

3. Trying to Do it All

During pregnancy I assumed that my introverted self would want as few people around as possible. The prospect of family, friends and professional help in the house gave me anxiety. When we were generously gifted postpartum doula hours for the first few weeks, I reconsidered. I figured that we could test drive a few nights and see how we felt about having someone besides family around. Literally the day after our first night home from the hospital we called to add more hours. We also begged my mom to stay with us through the first two weeks! I never anticipated how overwhelming our challenging feeding/breastfeeding experience would be and navigating first time parenting. During pregnancy I assumed that having help around would mean not spending time with my baby. But instead, having support meant, extra hands to help with the thousands of other things that allowed me to spend even more quality time with baby and make sure to take care of myself.

4. Rushing to Get Moving

6 weeks and you’re cleared to whip yourself back into shape- right? Wrong. Most women are cleared to return to normal activity after 6 weeks despite their bodies being nowhere near what they used to be. A majority of pregnancy and births result in diastasis recti (separation of the abdominal muscles) and pelvic floor issues. These require careful training and can create lifelong problems if ignored. I was fortunate to have mamas warn me about their regrets of jumping back into running and high intensity workouts too soon, leading to long term issues with incontinence and core strength. I chose to hold off on almost all activity other than short walks until 6 weeks, at which point I began 6 weeks of pelvic floor physical therapy (covered by insurance!) and gentle yoga. At 2 months postpartum I added low impact cycling and barre class. I plan to slowly and carefully return to high impact/intensity workouts at 6 months postpartum, prioritizing optimal healing for long term physical health.

Take it slow! A walk outside is an amazing postpartum workout…. save the high intensity stuff for later

5. Saying Yes When You Mean No

This is a sacred time for you and your family. Do not feel pressured to allow others to make it about them. Figure out what you want and what you don’t want. This is different for everyone. For me, I did not want a meal train, which I know is a popular form of postpartum support these days. Instead, I froze my own food and knew that those I am closest with would offer to bring us food regardless. I did not want to “say yes” to people coming by at certain pre-arranged dates and times only to find it to be a stressful day when I wouldn’t want visitors and it was worth sacrificing the help with meals. I instead asked for favors like errands, grocery pick ups and laundry. I found that the people who truly want to help will be happy to do what YOU find most helpful.

6. Neglecting Your Needs

That first week I totally went against my own beliefs on self care and neglected my most basic needs. Although I had plenty of support around me, I chose not to prioritize making time to take care of my physical health. I make a point to say “I chose not to” because it doesn’t feel like a choice, but it is. Our primal instincts kick in to devote every second of energy to baby and feel guilty stepping away and letting others help. A week in I had a day where my mental and physical health came crashing down. I recognized the need to change how I was doing things and started taking sitz baths, made sure to eat more, and sleep through a feeding each night.

Those primal instincts kick in and all of a sudden we neglect our own most basic needs

7. Doubting Your Expertise

From the moment Harper was born, he had difficulty latching/eating. These struggles continued for 3 months until we hit rock bottom with a failure to thrive diagnosis. I knew something was wrong from the beginning and finally was ready to listen to MY intuition and figure out a solution. If I would have continued doubting my expertise, we may not have figured out he had a tongue and lip tie. Finally at 5 months, he is eating like a champ and we have found our new normal. I learned such an important lesson, as I felt strongly like something was wrong from the beginning but didn’t prioritize my own innate knowledge as a mom.

8. Focusing on Whats Next

It is so natural to long for things to get easier. I found myself thinking - I can’t wait for my stitches to heal and to feel better, for breastfeeding to feel easier, for him to gain weight, to sleep more… the list goes on. I had to constantly remind myself to stay present and enjoy these challenging, but precious moments because no matter how hard it felt- I would never get these days back. I realize that just like we did, many families face unique challenges and regardless, we have to find solace in those precious newborn moments to maintain our sanity and stay grounded.

Our Unmedicated Natural Hospital Birth Story

All births are natural births. There is nothing more natural than a chid being brought into the world. It seems that is often lost by the label of “natural” commonly referring solely to unmedicated vaginal births, making many moms who are unable to have them disappointed to not have a “natural” experience. Before I dive into our unmedicated, natural birth- I want to share my experience with this leading up to the day Harper was born.

Our birth story started long before our trip to the hospital on the stormy evening of the Summer Solstice. It began when we discovered our baby was breeched at 37 weeks (read the full story here). This was the first junction when I realized our wish for an unmedicated birth may be out of our hands. It was difficult to wrap my head around an alternative birth plan, as baby was unlikely to flip at this point. After he shockingly flipped- against all odds, I again ran into a similar feeling when we went past our due date. My provider was pushing for a 41 week induction, which I knew would invite the cascade of interventions I was trying to avoid.

I realize that we were lucky to be able to arrive at a point where our birth plan could become a reality. I want to share my story to empower those who are curious if an unmedicated hospital birth is possible and what that looks like, as well as normalize sharing birth experiences! Yes, our birth was unmedicated, making it what is often referred to as “natural”, but I want to ac knowledge that all births are natural and beautiful, not just experiences like ours. Let’s all agree that a baby miraculously being born is the most natural thing in the world, regardless of the circumstances.

Our birth experience was everything I hoped for, yet nothing what I expected

The 7 Phases of My Unmedicated Natural Birth

Birth is a process and no two experiences are the same. I am going to walk you through the 7 phases of my experience: Prodromal Labor, Early Labor, Active Home Labor, Active Hospital Labor, Pushing, Birth and After Birth. I have decided to spill it all in an effort to avoid a birth story that glosses over the details and only shares the highlights. My goal is to normalize birth by discussing the more taboo parts that are often left out of the day to day conversation (yes, I talk about my tear, bleeding and first pee). Would love to hear any questions you have or your own birth experiences in the comments below!

40 weeks and 4 days- the morning of his birth! I was probably in labor and didn’t know it yet

Phase 1: Prodromal Labor

On Tuesday of the week Harper was born I went to acupuncture and asked for all the induction points. Now past his due date, I was anxious for anything that could help me avoid being medically induced. That night, I finally started to feel something! I had never felt any Braxton Hicks (practice contractions) during the pregnancy so I wasn’t sure if this was them or a sign of labor. Wednesday morning I still felt some crampiness and painless contractions. I went to my weekly scheduled doctor appointment and she told me it was probably prodromal labor, which was a good sign, but could come and go for an unpredictable length of time. Since I declined vaginal checks, I didn’t really have any other indications like dilation, etc.

When I realized I was in labor (look how low he is!), I took my last at home shower for a while and quickly devoured a bowl of granola

Phase 2: Early Labor

After having the prodromal labor end and feeing nothing all day Thursday and Friday morning, I was careful not to get my hopes up when things started back up Friday afternoon. My parents who had come into town for his due date, a friend and I were hanging out at my mother in law’s pool when the crampiness set back in. I was unable to sleep a wink the night before and the exhaustion and cramps had me ready to crawl into bed, so I asked my parents to drive me home. As soon as I walked in the house and tried to relax, I suspected that something real might be happening. I texted our doula who said I probably had a while to go based on what I described and how calm I was. She told me to do the miles circuit and try to get some rest. I took what would I figured would be my last at home shower for a while and ate a bowl of granola to try to keep my energy up. When I laid down to try do the miles circuit and listen to my hypnobirthng meditation things began to feel more intense, so I asked our doula to come over ASAP.

The beginning of my active labor at home- clearly before things got too intense…

Phase 3: Active Home Labor

By the time our doula came over, I was having to make a conscious effort to ride out and breathe through contractions. For the next couple of hours she led me in doing different positions for sets of contractions (i.e. 10 contractions in a wall sit). I had practiced holding similar positions in yoga while pregnant, which really helped. When each contraction intensified she would massage my lower back, distracting my body from the discomfort. I also held a lavender satchet during most of the labor and would inhale it during contractions, helping me relax. The setting couldn’t have been more peaceful, with me, Andrew, Logan (our dog) and our doula in our bedroom/bathroom with the sound of the most intense thunderstorm I’ve ever heard happening outside!

We knew it was time for the hospital when I began to be really get “in the zone” and couldn’t help but grunt and moan my way through the contractions. Our doula had always described that turning point, but I had thought that I wouldn’t be someone who was loud during labor… I was wrong! Everything about it felt out of body, primal and uncontrollable. Andrew called the doctors office to tell them we were on our way (something we wouldn’t have known to do without our doula!) and we grabbed all of our things.

Phase 4: Active Hospital Labor

I was scared to move from the comfort of our dark, peaceful bedroom to the car and hospital after hearing stories of labor being stalled and the body going into “fight or flight” under bright lights and stressful circumstances. Thankfully I didn’t experience any of that. It’s a weird feeling when you arrive at the hospital because your whole world is so intense and moving so fast, but everyone else is just chilling. People in the waiting room were staring at me as I could barely squeak out my social security number in between being doubled over through contractions.

Next thing I knew I was back in the hospital room. After quickly checking my vitals and monitoring baby, I was given a saline lock, then able to move freely without any further fetal monitoring or IVs, etc. since I wasn’t getting an epidural. The doctor let us know that I was 6 cm dilated and 90% effaced with my “water” (aka amniotic sac) still intact. My birth plan was to do things with the least amount of interventions possible, but I went in with an open mind ready to intuitively navigate the situation as it unfolded. I appreciated not being offered any sort of medication, as I requested, but was glad that our doctor did offer the intervention of breaking my water. After consulting with both her and our doula, I decided it was a go. Feeling exhausted already, I wanted anything that would help with the fastest possible, unmedicated birth. I couldn’t feel her break my water, just felt a warm liquid- really not bad at all. I remember looking at the clock around this time and seeing it was 9:30.

At that point the doctor and nurse left us alone to labor peacefully, so it was just Andrew, our doula and I in a dimly lit room with essential oils diffusing- definitely a relaxing hospital setting. As someone who is always cold, I have literally never been so hot! Andrew and our doula immediately began feeding me ice chips and putting a cold washcloth on my neck. The hospital active labor was a more intense version of what we were doing at home. Our doula helped me get through sets of contractions in various locations/positions. We moved from a birth ball to wall sits to squats in the shower, where I proceeded to go from hot to freezing cold! The best way I can describe my labor experience is a really intense workout class while being on insane drugs and turning into a wild animal! With each contraction I took long deep breaths in and heard myself letting out loud moans that felt really similar to the release of an “ohm” in yoga. Letting out energy through moans and even shrieks and screams really helped me deal with the intensity and discomfort.

Phase 5: Pushing

I could feel things growing much more intense and changing, so I requested to be checked again. I was surprised how uncomfortable being checked is and was glad I hadn’t done it during my pregnancy visits. Finally at 8 cm dilated, I was starting to feel really ready to get this done and meet our baby! I kept saying, “something is coming!” and “is the baby coming yet?!”. I felt a distinct change from just having contractions to actually feeling the baby coming down and ready to be pushed out of my body. I was disappointed that he wasn’t crowning yet despite how it felt, so I had to be patient and stay strong mentally and physically. I remember looking at the clock, seeing it was 11:15 and wondering if he’d be born before midnight.

At that point things start to get a little more blurry! I can’t remember how much time passed but know that eventually I was in bed. I was exhausted from the night before and really beginning to run low on energy. The doctor had discovered while checking me that I had a cervical lip (part of my cervix that was a little unevenly stuck). They brought me a peanut ball to put between my legs and lay in a fetal position. Laying there and being still had me more focused on the pain, but I breathed through it for a few more contractions knowing that getting baby in a better position would help in the long run.

Eventually they encouraged me to move to a squatting position (in bed) - think malasana squat with a bar to hang onto. With zero energy left, I tried to hang on and breathe through it as long as I could but eventually had to surrender to my body and let myself lay back and do what felt more comfortable.

The moment I’ll never forget- finally getting to meet our sweet baby!

Phase 6: Birth

I had planned on not pushing and wanted to wait for the fetal ejection reflex (when your body involuntarily pushes the baby out). When the time came, my brain and body seemed no longer connected and I was simply an observer as I felt myself pushing out the baby. It look about 4-5 pushes, with the most difficult being the second to last push. He was almost out and they told me I just needed a few good last pushes. As my body pushed, I let out the most blood curdling shriek as my pelvic floor muscles tore open to let baby out.

Thankfully the natural oxytocin kicked in and I was able to get through one final push that brought our beautiful Harper Benjamin Earthside at 11:54PM. I have never felt and can’t even describe the full body relief that comes with birthing a baby. All of the intense pressure that had been building for months, the physical, emotional and spiritual build up was instantaneously released.

Mama instincts immediately kicked in- warmed him up skin-to-skin when his body temp dropped

Phase 7: After Birth

The cord leading to him was literally glowing- I had never seen anything so cool. It was blue and shiny and looked like a Unicorn horn. I was in complete shock for a few minutes. There was a pause where I felt nothing and then everything was hazy and in slow motion. I don’t remember seeing him until he was on my chest and they announced, “it’s a boy!” (so glad we have a few video clips our doula took so I can remember this!).

They asked what his name was and though Harper Benjamin was the top of our list, we needed a few minutes to figure out if it felt right! Meanwhile, the post-baby process of birth began to unfold. Birth isn’t over after the baby comes out- the placenta still needs to be delivered. This came easily for me, which I know is not always the case. I don’t even remember noticing it happen. On the other hand, I clearly remember the doctor stitching up my second degree tear. Both the push that tore me and the stitching was by far the most uncomfortable part of the whole labor and birth- but nothing I couldn’t handle! I flinched and yelped as she realized that the local anesthetic she injected before stitching must not have taken care of the whole area- OUCH.

Though the birth was over, I had to stay in the labor and delivery room for 3 more hours because of some moderate bleeding. My labor and birth were unmedicated, however I gladly accepted a shot of pitocin to help stop the bleeding. I winced as the doctor and nurses pressed on my uterus to push out any clots. Fortunately, the nurse who came in next (coincidentally one of my amazing former students!) realized that if I probably had a full bladder, making it painful for them to push on my uterus. She was right (peeing wasn’t exactly on my mind during labor!) and took me to empty my bladder. Lets just say that acid + wounds + being completely unmedicated = not my favorite pee i’ve ever taken… but the uterus pressing became way more comfortable after.

Around this time, our doula helped me try to nurse Harper for the first time. This didn’t work out very well and I actually blacked it out- I only slightly recalled when she recently told me about this moment. She suggested I contact the lactation consultant I had met during pregnancy to have her come right away the next morning (another reason doulas are a must!). This experience and more on our breastfeeding challenges will be a future blog post!

Around 3 am, our nurse wheeled us to the recovery room where we quickly said hi to our parents who waited up to meet Harper. Next the nurses checked his vitals and discovered that his temperature had dropped. They wanted to put him under the heating lamps in the nursery, but I told them that I wanted to warm him via skin to skin. They advised that I try for a half hour, but if he wasn’t warm then he would need to go to the nursery (though they can’t actually say you “need” to do anything- it is always your choice!). Sure enough, he warmed right up on my chest, where he has basically been living for the past 8 weeks!

Our birth experience was everything I had hoped for, but nothing like I expected! I honestly wouldn’t change a thing and am grateful to feel that way. Have a question or want to share about your birth experience? Leave it in the comments below!